Dear Daddy

 

Dear Daddy,

 

The past few months I have had to experience a lot of firsts without you.

The first Thanksgiving felt empty without you carving the turkey.

There was no prayer of gratitude at Christmas dinner.

My first birthday came and went without a morning call singing happy birthday.

There was no birthday card with a sweet sentiment in my mailbox ending with, “tu papa.”

 

Now, I have to feel your loss on my first Father’s Day without you.

I can lie and say it won’t hurt. That I know you will be with me on Sunday, but that would do nothing for my healing. That would do nothing to honor you.

 

Rather than focusing on the moments that I have lost with you,

I want to focus on all the moments I feel you with me.

Like when I catch the sunrise and I feel your warm embrace.

How I feel your fingers gently brush my hair as it sways with the breeze.

How every copper glint reminds me of your collection of pennies.

When I hear your laughter as I crack a joke, I know you would appreciate.

The countless eyerolls I know you would give me when I say something silly that would annoy you.

Or when I feel completely overwhelmed and I feel your presence.

I feel your love guiding me as I struggle to find a new path without you.

And as hard as these past few months have been, I know that you are walking alongside me.

 

Love you today and always,

Tu hija

 

Photo Credit: All pictures are Mari Rey Originals.