End of Year Wrap Up

 

It has been a while since I have been able to write and post an update about my life. Due to a family emergency, I stepped away from writing and put my life on a temporary pause. The last half part of this year has been one of sorrow with bits of joy sprinkled in. 

In July, my partner of four years popped the question while on a hike with our big love bug (Charles) in Palos Verdes. I was surprised by his proposal and had all the emotions. The best part of our engagement was that he had called my parents beforehand because he remembered how important it was to me to have my parents know what his intentions were in relation to our relationship.

This concept might seem a little outdated, but it was important that my future husband, whoever he was going to be, talk to my parents beforehand and let them know what his intentions were. I was pleasantly surprised that he had remembered I had said that when we briefly discussed marriage a year or so before he asked me to be his forever person!

 

In August, my father became ill. Prior to that, there had been rumblings from my mother that my father had been struggling with back pain and limited mobility. When I asked if it was something to be concerned about, I was told that he would be seeing his general practitioner. When things became noticeably worse, my mother called to let me know that something was wrong. I immediately dropped everything and went home the next day.

 

Before I left Los Angeles, I remember standing in my backyard looking up at the sky. I tried so hard to recall everything my father had taught me up until that moment. I shut my eyes tightly, commanding my brain to think of anything that I still had left to learn. Deep down I knew going back home would be the end of the current life had. I would be a changed person when I returned.

 

When I pulled into my parent’s driveway, I took a moment to look around and take in the view of the countryside. To catch my breath before walking into their home. I knew that once I stepped inside, things would forever change.

 

My father and I made eye contact when I walked into his room. I shared a private moment with him before I told him that we were going to go to the ER to determine what was wrong. We needed to know what was wrong and get him help as fast as possible. We cried together and then it was time to get answers.

 

After a chaotic 72 hours, we had an official diagnosis. My father had stage four cancer. The debilitating pain that stopped him in his tracks stemmed from cancer. Oncologists, neurologists, and nurses raced to start him on a treatment plan. Together, we were going to fight this until the end.

 

Sadly, my father’s battle ended in late September. It has been difficult living in a world without one of my favorite people. There was life with my father, and now life without him. There are moments when I do not know what to do with myself. Lately, I have felt a sense of guilt over feeling any form of happiness.

 

How can one of the best and worse things be happening at the same time? There is nothing that can prepare you for the loss and emptiness you feel when a parent dies. All you can do is wait and be still.

Life is now forever different, and I must learn how to live without him.

 

I do not know what the upcoming year has in store, but what I do know is that I have another angel guiding me. 

Photo Credit: "My parents are getting married!" belongs to Mari Rey.

Quoted Text:  "My dad taught me everything" Unknown. 

                       Source: Pinterest.com. 

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